Point Taken

via: black-girlinthecity.com

Just Keep Going, You Got Nothing to Lose

The meaning of life you ask? Well...Let me see...

Just My Two Cents: Marriage

via: Necole Bitchie

Marriage within the Biblical Christian faith was/is believed to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the Church; it also receives social, economic and political recognition within many societies. In many cultures it's also perceived as a business transaction of sorts (e.g. dowries, bride price) that benefits the husband because women were (sometimes still) considered "chattel" or property and expected to fulfill responsibilities concerning the household, husband and children.

Fast forward to today and the divorce rate in America is purportedly close to 50%. What's the direct cause? Many can speculate, but considering this country's declining moral compass and the ratio of women to men, one wouldn't need to think too hard on the possibilities. In my humble opinion, I agree with certain points that were made in the video commentary (unnecessary cussing and all), simply because of the unhappy marriages I've witnessed within my short lifetime. His animated point on when he hears about a marriage not working out was on target, "And it's so stupid for people to say, 'Oh marriage doesn't work'...Its not about marriage, its about...your relationship didn't work. You dumbass motherfucker!" Most folks I know who's marriage ended in divorce or is currently on the outs, usually never had any business being married  since it may have been out of some twisted sort of convenience. Also, justifying a relationship before God only to end in divorce, is a slap in His face as well as utterly time consuming and ridiculously expensive.

I understand anyone's decision to marry and I respect it (even if it may be for nefarious reasons -Translation = entrapment), but you won't catch me, in his words, "...Walk[ing] down the aisle like the fucking pope or some shit." Just my two cents.

Guilty Pleasure Much?

Sneak peek of the Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 3:

Loves+Laughs+Christmas List

Loves:
My newest book obsession is Dean Koontz. I've retired Toni Morrison and fellow Black authors for a bit and decided to explore more of the thriller/mystery genre. I adore Koontz's overall story lines but his writing leaves a lot to be desired for the true literary bluffs. He tends to overwrite using lots of fluff (I actually believe he writes with a thesaurus in his lap) while dragging the back story which can leave you annoyed with the protagonist but the reader is soon rewarded for sticking it out with a courageous tale of good triumphing over evil. Based on Amazon reviews his older novels are a treat, so for my next trip to Borders I'll be indulging in:

'The Lazarus Effect'

...and I realize I have it all.

Spaceship

You know what I realized? Dealing with people is one of the hardest things for me to do. I don't think I've learned how to manage getting use to their egos, their pride, their baggage, their opposite personalities and their opinions. I know that this is what comes with handling and interacting with others but when you have absolutely no idea how to gauge your own colorful make-up, the two becomes an impossible juggling act. So I usually throw up my hands and deem the person, "unmanageable" and pretty much show them the middle finger. Its always been easier for me to wear a frown upon my face, ready an impenetrable attitude and hurl a slew of insults for those unworthy few. Trying to turn around my way of thinking has been impossibly hard but in my hated moments of self-reflection, I think,"Can I really continue to behave this way?" Because who wants to go through life not being able to maintain connections with people who might be able to offer something of importance, no matter how small?

Over a month ago, I ran into a former college roommate of mine on the ferry into lower Manhattan. She sat across from me and her blank eyes briefly met mine. The laughter that wanted to explode from my face wasn't one that could be held so I quickly got up and relieved myself on the upper deck. This girl was infamous around campus for attaching herself to people because she was explainably friendless. People initially welcomed her efforts but she usually became too tiring and a bit stalkerish. When I moved into my new dorm, I told my friends about my roommate and everyone's eyes widened in horror. "Good luck," they told me. Dorm rules were written out and emphasized and I felt confident that we'd get along. She seemed alright a bit talkative but I'm well known for my nasty looks that can silence most people, so I felt that I would be on top of the situation. A few weeks in, I entered my room late one night and she sat in the middle of her bed with a frown. "Could I talk to you?" she asked. It was late and I didn't feel like entertaining any conversations that would turn into a monologue but I gave in. She then proceeded to list the problems that she felt were brewing on my part: I didn't speak to her upon entering our space, I was too quiet, she thought we'd hang out more...etc. It was the weirdest conversation because she felt as if I had this obligation to her as my roommate. Which to me of course wasn't the case, because #1: I didn't choose her as my roommate and #2: I didn't need to do shit because, well hell, I paid to live there (looking back on it, that was way harsh, but I had a real attitude issue then). The night didn't end so well, since I told her to suck it up because not everything was about her and moreover, roommates didn't equal immediate friendship. The situation went downhill from then. If my mother called and it was after 10 p.m. she'd complain and ask that she call earlier instead; she'd wake up early on the mornings I had late classes and bang purposely on her keyboard; she'd touch my television without permission (a definite no no that was outlined in our dorm rules); and then she wouldn't do her half of the chores that were agreed upon. The final straw was when I requested she type a bit softer because it was 7 o'clock in the morning and she yelled for me to shut up. I yanked my covers back and quickly advanced on her with every intention of physical harm when her hands went up in surrender with a meek, "I'm sorry." I left the room in a rage, returned hours later and her side of the room was deserted. I never saw her again.

Whenever I think of that situation, I wondered how I could've dealt with it differently. Its a stretch to believe we would've been friends but acquaintances wouldn't hurt. I'm not the easiest person to co-exist with and believe me, there are moments when I need a break from myself. Its already frustrating that I have issues about maintaining connections with others, but I don't want to be the girl who everyone whispers about because I'm explainably friendless.

I'll have to make due until I can finish building my spaceship and begin construction on my castle located on cloud LoyaltyReliableCourtesy.

Have You Smiled Lately?

As I lay in bed waiting for my best friend called sleep to greet me, the strangest thing occurs: I feel the lower half of my face wrestle with my cheeks and the corners of my mouth helplessly turn upward. Its the most random facial emotion to feel right now because of the long day that I've had paired with the start of a trying week and I haven't had a smile yet. "Tomorrow is a new day," I whisper. A tiny giggle slips from my lips and drowsily I begin to count sheep. The Dream Land awaits...

Jungle Fever?

Jill Scott recently wrote an essay for Essence.com on interracial dating that has sparked some intense debate via blogs and websites and since this topic seems to keep coming up in conversations with various individuals, I wanted to comment on it. This could be a while:

Forever Young

Saturday, I went to "First Saturdays" at the Brooklyn Museum with my mom and step dad. I was meeting up with one of my good friends from college to catch up. As we strolled through exhibits in our heels we shared our love woes, as hers is similar to mine and vice versa. It seems as though everyone is having relationship issues these days. We found a bench tucked within the Egyptian artifacts exhibit and we related, laughed and pondered. Then it dawned on me that in a few weeks she'll be turning the big two-five and I didn't have much longer until I neared that turning point either. When the hell did that happen? I swear I was just filling out college applications, figuring out if I would be attending my high school prom, cutting class and experimenting with my friends. It all flew by so quickly...

Not that I would want those days back. Sadly, during my teenage experience I always wanted to be an adult. I wanted the freedom that adulthood promised, never needing to answer to anyone since I led a very sheltered childhood. But I lived it, I liked it give or take a few mishaps, but I don't want it again, thank God. With the invention of Facebook and statuses, I've noticed most of my high school and college peers have started families (gasp!) and marriage (yikes!), and I feel as though I haven't even started "adulthood." But to be fair, I never wanted children or marriage, hence why I couldn't wait to embrace freedom at twenty-one. But it still feels as though they "appear" to lead fuller lives rather than an empty one, and I'm scratching my head trying to figure out how do I go about making my life a little more worthier before that big two-five. I guess I have a deadline and some goals to accomplish. Get ready for my list to come.

By the by, my internship starts tomorrow! *Crosses fingers and toes.

Pursuit of Happiness

My man Kid Cudi. This video sums it up for me.

Ever feel like you're still alone in a crowded room no matter how wonderful the atmosphere? No matter how many nights you stay away from home and surround yourself with the best kind of company something is missing? This feeling overwhelms me 24/7. Trying to maintain this awesome non-existent connectedness to people who have no idea how hard you need their companionship to take away the sting of loneliness and depression. Even then, its all superficial.

I'm in my early 20's, I just graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science in Journalism, I have no children, no loans, absolutely no bills and no credit. Considering my peers, I'm pretty fortunate to be blessed without the financial headaches and crazy responsibilities. I try to maintain a sense of gratefulness for how far I've come because five years ago, I didn't think I'd ever make it to this point. Now I'm here and I think, "What now?" Do I hunt for the financially and responsible socially upward circle of friends who fall within the same pursuits? i.e. ambitions, career paths, vacations annually, etc. Or do I search for what essentially makes my life worth living? And how in the hell does one do that?

Its easy to fall into the superficial of the first option. Having a bevy of pretty girlfriends with these awesome jobs, who wine, dine and party fabulously on the weekends while dating every kind of eligible bachelor that falls under the requirements necessary to keep up appearances. But how old does that get? Even though I'm "financially free," I'm financially broke. Since graduating from school, I've taken on a volunteer position and an internship at a not-for-profit to further my experience in my chosen career field. I left the organization in December and began looking for a job since January 4th. Twelve weeks in, all I've managed to land was a paid internship in new media and marketing for another not-for-profit. Don't get me wrong, I was ecstatic and the pay is the topping, but a day after the news has staled, I'm beginning to think about the other things that "should be" happening to make an even fuller life. Given the state of the economy, I should be grateful to receive ANYTHING paid, but I start to doubt my abilities and wonder if I don't get a salary-based job soon, when will my life actually begin? In this economy, money makes the world go 'round and I'm itching to move on, move out and finally start tending to me in a new environment.

In the second option, where I start finding out who the real me is with/without the fabulous parties, clothes and reckless spending because it can become dangerously lonely, how do I learn to love me and stop leaning on trying to find the right kind of reliable, loyal and courteous people and find those qualities within myself? I have these hang-ups about connections because even while I've had friends around, I've always felt...alone. I always fall flat on my face when it hits me all over again how truly alone I am, even when friends and family have promised to be around there's always something missing, as if I'm grasping onto this invisible notion of real happiness. How do I go about being happy with me? I've always been a loner so trying to find what makes me feel great is something I've tried and it gets no better than reading, sleeping and listening to music. With my life "on hold" because of this job thingy, its more pressing than anytime before especially because the safety net that school provided is no longer around. This new phase of my life is suppose to begin but it didn't take off with the bang that I expected, and now I'm left spending days and nights in bed with the shades drawn while waiting for the phone call that will let me know I could press play on my life again.

Window Seat

Erykah Badu's new video "Window Seat" is causing some controversy due to the nudity and the location in which it was shot.

But I definitely love the lyrics to the song and dig the commentary at the end of the video:

"They play it safe, are quick to assassinate what they do not understand. They move in packs, ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another. They feel most comfortable in groups; less guilty to swallow. They are us; this is what we have become, afraid to respect the individual. A single person within our circumstance can move one to change, to love herself, to evolve."

And here's another video for shits and giggles: