Shifting Priorities

On a train ride home Saturday afternoon two beautiful little black girls boarded the car, bouncing gleefully with huge smiles accompanied by two adults, one female the other male. The parents looked on as the girls giggled and whispered to one another while making faces. I couldn't help but stare and I began to wonder, "What if I had children? What would they look like? Would they be mini-me's? Would girls be better suited for me?" I suddenly began to tear up at the girls' innocence, at how truly special children are and maybe I would consider having my own in the future. As I departed the train car, a baby began howling rather loudly and my first real spark of maternal interest died a little.

On the heels of recent pregnancy announcements from two of my girlfriends and my impending 25th birthday later this year, I've realized the need to re-assess some of my life goals, desires and needs.

Just My Two Cents: Halle Berry

Something has been bothering me for awhile and I can't pinpoint a precise reason, but I've had just about enough of these blogs posting and writing so many insipid details of Halle Berry's love life. Lately frequent reports have suddenly bombarded the press, more specifically the black gossip blogs, since Berry's custody battle with her daughter's father has become public and increasingly nasty, which is causing everyone with an opinion and a keyboard to focus incessantly upon her choices in love while tearing her a new one.

The Better Qualified Candidate

It's amazing the range of moods that I experience on a day-to-day basis. My week began productively: Sunday I got around to the six weeks worth of laundry that I've been avoiding for two weeks; I cleaned my room and I prepped for a phone interview for the next day that I was ecstatic about. Monday I was confident, I aced the interview and landed an in person meeting for Wednesday; I managed to put together an awesome outfit last minute paired with enviable hair, and I finished my three month volunteer commitment on a good note. Tuesday rolled around and I was feeling inspired! I felt like writing in my journal which I haven't done in a month, it was my first day as (yet another) a media intern within the public affairs department where I volunteered and I was convinced this new job opportunity was mine. I was sure Wednesday would be outdone, I had the interview attire to prove it. But I faltered, I sabotaged myself and froze up during the interview. I fumbled and mumbled my way through, muttered incomplete thoughts, and at times I believed I repeated myself. By noon I felt deflated and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sulk the day away. Today, I sent the customary thank-you letter and two hours later I was hit with a rejection response. They decided to go with "a better qualified candidate." Really?

Another Again

Someone special recently told me I was an inspiration. It surprised me and I was moved by their honesty. Never before had I thought I could or perhaps should be anyone's inspiration. There are so many chinks and sloppily glued cracks in this armour that I would be embarrassed if people really knew what I sometimes thought of myself. I am the biggest work in progress there is, but I've managed to hide huge chunks of my emotions only releasing them occasionally in small bursts until I feel ready to implode. Today I was a complete emotional wreck. Matter of fact, I woke up on the wrong side of my bed Monday morning, kicking off my day -rather my week so far- with such foulness that I haven't been able to shake since. Tuesday morning decided it would not be outdone and I ended up having to talk myself through the beginnings of a panic attack which I haven't had in several months.

Ramblings Before An Apocalypse

It is 17 days into the New Year and I didn't create any resolutions, amendments or promises to myself but I am beginning to adapt a new outlook on how I handle situations and my reactions to them. 2010 ended with a close friend of mine asking me about what I was going to change for the New Year. I smirked and replied, "What's so different about the New Year that I can't do tomorrow? Hell, today?" I launched into my tirade about how tired I was of hearing folks come up with lists of changes and waiting for another year to usher in the "New." Pathetic.

Politically Incorrect

cultural groups. self-identity. nationality. racism. separatism. colonialism. tribe. self-hate. regional. category. language. african-american. black. white. latin. spanish. negro. caucasian. native. other. love. respect. yourself.

Just My Two Cents: Marriage

via: Necole Bitchie

Marriage within the Biblical Christian faith was/is believed to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the Church; it also receives social, economic and political recognition within many societies. In many cultures it's also perceived as a business transaction of sorts (e.g. dowries, bride price) that benefits the husband because women were (sometimes still) considered "chattel" or property and expected to fulfill responsibilities concerning the household, husband and children.

Fast forward to today and the divorce rate in America is purportedly close to 50%. What's the direct cause? Many can speculate, but considering this country's declining moral compass and the ratio of women to men, one wouldn't need to think too hard on the possibilities. In my humble opinion, I agree with certain points that were made in the video commentary (unnecessary cussing and all), simply because of the unhappy marriages I've witnessed within my short lifetime. His animated point on when he hears about a marriage not working out was on target, "And it's so stupid for people to say, 'Oh marriage doesn't work'...Its not about marriage, its about...your relationship didn't work. You dumbass motherfucker!" Most folks I know who's marriage ended in divorce or is currently on the outs, usually never had any business being married  since it may have been out of some twisted sort of convenience. Also, justifying a relationship before God only to end in divorce, is a slap in His face as well as utterly time consuming and ridiculously expensive.

I understand anyone's decision to marry and I respect it (even if it may be for nefarious reasons -Translation = entrapment), but you won't catch me, in his words, "...Walk[ing] down the aisle like the fucking pope or some shit." Just my two cents.