Something has been bothering me for awhile and I can't pinpoint a precise reason, but I've had just about enough of these blogs posting and writing so many insipid details of Halle Berry's love life. Lately frequent reports have suddenly bombarded the press, more specifically the black gossip blogs, since Berry's custody battle with her daughter's father has become public and increasingly nasty, which is causing everyone with an opinion and a keyboard to focus incessantly upon her choices in love while tearing her a new one.
Berry has come under fire in the past for discussing her marriages, her past relationships, her racial identity and her father's absence while growing up. Her first marriage to baseball player David Justice ended after four years with reports of abuse; Somewhere in there she purportedly dated Wesley Snipes who allegedly struck the actress so hard she lost most of her hearing in her right ear; Her second marriage to singer Eric Benet ended eight years after they met (married for four) when he publicly admitted to being a sex addict. After her divorce became finalized to Benet she began dating French-Canadian model Gabriel Aubry, who is the father of her daughter, Nahla. The pair split last year, but were constantly photographed spending time with their daughter together. It seemed they remained in sync on their co-parenting and Berry glowed in her role as doting new mother. Late last year while filming a movie in South Africa she met her current partner, French actor Oliver Martinez and since then they've been photographed hand in hand, obviously in love.
Then Aubry suddenly filed documents with L.A. Superior Court requesting to be recognized as the father and for joint legal and physical custody over their daughter. Aubry's move came after weeks of dating social climber/sex tape superstar, Kim Kardashian, which allegedly drove Berry in a rage because the pairing could somehow lead to Kim's involvement in Nahla's life. Their custody battle was constantly splashed all over the tabloids and the stories painted Halle out to be a crazed nutcase with serious esteem issues. The black gossip blogs picked up on the sensation and suddenly there were op-ed pieces about why one of the world's most beautiful woman couldn't keep a man.
Her career has spanned 20 years and all together Berry has dated five men publicly, give or take one or two men no one remembers, and people are picking her apart and labeling her as a whore and someone who needs to stop jumping from man to man. She recently stated in a news outlet that she's realized she's not the "marrying kind" and she blames her failed relationships on her father's absence.
“I WISH I had known then that I was not the marrying kind. It would have saved me a lot of time, heartache and grief over the years.
I made all the wrong choices when it came to love. I have been an idiot. But, now, it is like a gift to myself – seeing more clearly and making better decisions. One thing was unavoidable. My father left us when I was young and that did affect my life. If I had a good father in my life, growing up, then I do not think I would have made the mistakes I made. I would not have been lost in love.
I would have had a good role model and known what to look for. As it is, I had to find out about marriage from the men I’ve married. I have done it twice and I am not going to do it again. The traditional form of marriage is not for me."
Some opinions were harsh, and ironically many of them came from other women. The general consensus from most readers was that she's old enough to stop attributing her love woes to what happened in her childhood and look inwardly at what she's contributing to her failed relationships. Basically she's too old not to have moved on by now. Which generally I can agree with, I get it, but it was in the dismissive voice that most of these opinions were written in, because none of these people know Berry intimately.
As spectators we certainly can't measure this woman's pain brought on by her father and his absence from her life and maybe at the age of 44 she's literally coming to terms with something she tried to replace by looking for love. I mean its not like it isn't at all common for women of any race and age to do so and I can definitely relate. Recognizing hurt is one thing but taking the steps to actually implement the process of change is life altering and scary, but it can only come from total self-love. I haven't met any woman, shero (Oprah or Toni Morrison), feminista (bell hooks, Alice Walker) or world's most beautiful (my Mom, my Grandmothers) who has totally embraced all of her sacredness. Why? Because hell, we're human.
Why do people believe that as you hit a certain age, (in America the magic number is 40) that you're suppose to possess this infinite wisdom and have all your shit together? I know a few women over 50 that can't get with it in 2011. My whole point is the negative implications that she should keep her legs closed because she shouldn't have different men in and around her child, or because she's a black woman raised by a white woman and that she's just plain crazy because she "can't keep a man" is absolutely appalling to me. More than anything I admire a woman, a public figure at that, who goes for love and happiness where she believes she can find it, because you can certainly tell that's what she truly longs for.
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